You smell like stripper and shame
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
