so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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