I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
