he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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