i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
