i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
