OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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