I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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