okay pat passed out under dana's car
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
