Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
