I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The air taste purple.
Randomize
