I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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