my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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