Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
