Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
