Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
