all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
