you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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