he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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