you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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