she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
