it was like eating out sand paper
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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