I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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