if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize