so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Even my vagina gasped.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Randomize
