fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
