If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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