mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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