thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
