So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
