So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
