He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
