this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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