You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
