the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize