i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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