Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
