I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am one with the molecules
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
