I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So much rum. So many feels.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
