Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
