she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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