So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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