Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish you could order shots online.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
