he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
