Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize