So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
