omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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