She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
