i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
