Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
