Michael Bay diarrhea
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
and she was petting her beer can
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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