I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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