Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it hurts more in the daytime
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
