Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
