Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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