my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
