So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
