everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
