roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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