:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
