Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
