woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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