WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
