their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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