I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
