champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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