I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
