Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
