I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
