I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
