Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
