i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
