he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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