Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Who died my cat blue again?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
