college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
