it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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