How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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