He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize