Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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