I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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