Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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