Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
