you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
