wrigley field is MILF paradise
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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