Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She made me pour olive oil on her.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
