Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
