Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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