Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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