you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
