Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
